One Life To Live

Moving Forward

2011-10-07T13:09:00.002+08:00

Time to move on. :)

Trusting in the Lord, things are getting better. For sure. n_n

Heaven

2011-10-04T17:20:00.001+08:00

massage to ease the body aches away... heaven. :)

You can call me Missus...

2011-10-03T23:14:00.002+08:00

Yup, officially married for 3 weeks and 2 days now.

Attempts to normalise and merge is challenging, but manageable. Just feeling tired and unappreciated at times.

And hoping that we can get preggers asap.

But then again, in a year's time, what will happen? Who counts in the end, but Jesus?

Thankful Again :)

2011-09-07T01:56:00.004+08:00

Despite the topsy-turvy emotions experienced the past years, I remain thankful to Him.

I am thankful for those have walked in and out of my life, for they have made me a better and stronger person, in ways they may not realise nor comprehend.

I am thankful for learning how to let go. Thankful too for the person who could have clung on, but had selflessly released the grip. I am loved, as are you. Much more than you'll ever realise. Thank you for praying. Keep praying - He definately has great plans for you. All in His time. :)

I am thankful for those who support and cover me with their pure undying love.

I am thankful even for the whiny ones. For they helped reflect my own weaknesses, and gain greater insight to strengths I never knew I possessed.

I am thankful to be able to witness the beauty of spiritual maturity of those close to me, and even those who are not close. My heart overflows with thankfulness and joy whenever I realise that it is purely by the grace of God that I am able to witness these precious lives transformed.
As is mine own transformation, in all my ways.

It is quite often recklessly quoted that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. Subjugating reason that not all that appeals to the eyes, ears and emotions are true.

But there is beauty in God. For is it not God whom we behold?

Amen. :)

Giving Praise

2011-09-04T01:38:00.002+08:00

Praise to the Lord
who is seated on the highest of thrones!
Praise to God
who brings Truth and Glory and Peace and Joy!
Praise to Jesus
who shouts not but speaks volumes into my heart!

Praise God, praise God, for all that He has done!
Praise the Lord for all the He intends to do!
Amen, Amen!

Fresh as a Daisy

2011-09-03T07:15:00.002+08:00

From 10+ hours of sleep last night. n_n v

Manipulation

2011-08-29T22:27:00.001+08:00

I see you.

Stop playing games with dangerous currents.

You'll end up dirtying your hands.

Yahoo! :D

2011-08-21T01:22:00.001+08:00

Holidays next week! :)

Moving stuff progressively! :))

Getting married in 20 days time! :D

A Change Will Do You Good

2011-08-04T01:23:00.001+08:00

So too for all of us.

Its transition time - shifting, morphing, transforming.

Its time to rise up!

Sidelined

2011-07-26T21:16:00.001+08:00

I will always be ignored.

Because I blow up.

Yet no one cares to know what the story is behind those episodes.

Thanks.

Poor Dear

2011-06-20T21:27:00.001+08:00

He's down with the 'flu.

Just a couple of weeks more... you are almost there! *hugs*

I love you. :)

Finally

2011-06-04T05:18:00.001+08:00

Its over.

For now. :)

Looking forward to Sunday's sermon! n_n

Yearning

2011-05-26T23:31:00.006+08:00

Feeling the strong pull to go back to church regularly.

Yup, I stopped 'churching' for about a month, for my studies. Not because I think I am able to stand on my own, or that I could self-church at home, or that I no longer want to be with my first love. I couldn't focus all of a sudden, and I knew I had to remove myself from the bustle (speaking of which, the bustle for me has decreased much since 3 years back).

And look what I did to myself - frazzled, sad, emotional, dry.

One more week!

Oh thank you Lord, for sustaining me thus far. Please help me through this one last week!

Amen.

Its Starting Again...

2011-05-25T22:03:00.002+08:00

... and I'm beginning to freak myself out again. Yikes!

*deep breath*

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Was 'cautioned' earlier not to put too much info on FB, and this went through my head as fast as a shooting star, as it happened:-

M: Be careful what you put online, you can get into trouble.

Me: *silent*

(in my head, and in a non-angsty tone): Thanks, you just reminded me why I do this. I still do feel very affected when you talk down scornfully at me over minor things and keep bombarding me about my so-called weaknesses until you are satisfied that you have 'won' the case. Its over within a couple of minutes after your vicious rants, but it hangs on like a cloud on me for some time. So I either rant it out, or focus on something more 'acceptable' i.e. talk bluntly about current issues. I'd rather craft/art, but my supplies are not with me at the moment. Which brings us to why you are cautioning me now. Not that I blame you, or that I shirk responsibility over my actions...it just happens before I am completely aware of what transpires. Its something like a super-delayed reaction to things. And I can't share this particular knowledge of myself with you, because I have always felt that you would scoff and not believe me, before telling me that I am always **fill in the blank**.

M: I know you disagree, but you don't do things like that. Be careful what you put online.

Me: *watery smile*

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Its scary to have a full blown monologue in your head, whilst silently staring at the person in front of you.

Truly.

Because when I feel that I have to revert to conversations in my head, it means that I sense that my presence is no longer wanted by those around me, even my loved ones.

Are We Done Yet?

2011-05-21T17:04:00.004+08:00

These past weeks saw me working up myself into a fine big P-a-n-i-c, as I started imagining boogeymen endings for things that have not been done yet.

Exams: I'm gonna fail! No time to study (busy panicking mah)! Haven't covered the chapters properly!
Wedding: We're gonna limp through the ceremony without alot of things, and no presiding Pastor to marry us! *cue dramatic music*
New home: Its still a mess!
Everything else in the world: Its just all WRONG!

The actual state of my mind was clearly questionable, as I flitted from one minor panic to another (and another) until they cluttered my mind and heart (resulting in seriously real episodes of 'omgithinkimgoingtofaintnow') to the point of exploding.

But with a little bit of quality rest and clear mindedness, everything falls into place...

Exams: Do my best and stop wasting time panicking! Even if I did fail the test, I will re-sit until my ICSA is completed.
Marriage: What me worry? The hall deco may go up in flames, no presiding Pastor takper...because God is here with us, emotions may go into a sudden funk, but what the hey.... its our 'big day', so what? We're getting married (yay)!
Home: I did what I could earlier, the rest is his problem for now. Lols.
Everything else in the world: Nothing was ever perfect in the first place, we do our own bit to improve our living, relationships and planet.

Not too bad after all, eh? :)

Now on to the kitchen! Panic takes up loads of energy. :p

Touched Lives

2011-05-08T00:49:00.002+08:00

When my sleep gets interrupted, I often wonder if I am doing the right thing.

Am I touching lives the way Christ did (and still is), or just attempting to be a Solo Hero?

Sometimes I arrive at the brink of frustration, I do want to tell her that there is so much more in life than the issue at hand that may be big now, but nothing can compare to God and nothing is impossible for God.

I try, then I fail....and the negative post-effects continue their vicious recycle system in my mind and heart. And I do nothing to stop them - I could have sought God, I could have dwelled even more in His word, but I don't do any of this.

Instead, I fester in bitterness and start avoiding her.
She knows. She no longer calls, but has latched on others who can lend their fresh sympathetic ears.

Yet when I reflect on this, I am still very thankful for those people whom the Good Lord lead me to, who could help me out of my 'blue funk', no matter how long or short their contact with me, no matter if they still want to communicate or not.

True wisdom is really in the Lord.

Conviction Part I

2011-04-25T21:32:00.003+08:00

Today, my Lord brought to my attention one thing I sorely lack.

I have yet to fully appreciate my father, my mother and my sister. For all that they have done for me.

Upon reflection, I am quite insensitive to my family's real wants. What they really want and need from me. I wish I could cry buckets from the tumultous currents of emotions swelling within my breast, but I cannot.

Its the dam of Emotion at the brink of bursting... waiting to surge forth, but a solid bubble prevents it from creating tidal waves within the depths of my soul.

I so wish and pray to feel proper human emotions again. Anything that is, besides anger and irritation.

Truly Lord, I do.

One Cannot Love

2011-04-20T21:08:00.003+08:00

When one is not loved.

Our scope and perception of love is so limited, even for us who are saved, those who 'know' how much Jesus sacrificed for us as He hung on the cross at Calvary.

We know all these in our minds, but what about our hearts?

All I know is that my scope of love is narrow still, in comparison to His.

A Start of Something New...

2011-04-19T21:22:00.002+08:00

Praise the Lord for this new insight. :)

Now prayerfully submitting to perform the task....may things blossom in the Lord from here.

Praise God. n_n

Pain or Just Plain Stupidity

2011-03-06T23:30:00.001+08:00

I think its the latter on my part.

To inflict unnecessary pain on myself.

Ah, the joys of life.

Re-organising

2011-01-08T21:58:00.001+08:00

My room, my stuff, myself, my work.

Feels good to be back. :)

Amazing

2011-01-03T03:06:00.001+08:00

How quickly it transitions from 'I promise to take care of all your needs' to 'You must take care of both our needs'.

Feeling Boxed In

2011-01-01T12:02:00.001+08:00

So many choices.

So many materials.

So many wants.

But they don't belong to us.

Unimaginable

2010-12-29T21:57:00.003+08:00

Irrational

Irritable

Argumentative

Illogical statements just to win a case

Something is on his mind, and he is not sharing it.

Could be a change of mind.
*shrugs*
One never knows of these things until it is too late.

Unpretty

2010-12-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

Praise God! :)

2010-11-28T12:47:00.001+08:00

S'wonderful to journal consistently again.

A Brief Note

2010-11-06T00:01:00.006+08:00

To my dearest fiance,

Don't feel bad (although you may laugh at this statement now) that you don't know me as well as other men know their fiancee, since we have only been together for 2 years or so.

My favourite type of food is Korean, my favourite food is Chee Cheong Fun. If there is tempeh, its double the fun.

My favourite movies are those that move my emotions - indie films, international movies, stories that have human meaning, and sci-fi flicks (especially those based on Sir Isaac Asimov's writings). I love TV series like 'Poirot' (based on Dame Agatha Christie's Belgian detective Hercule Poirot), anything with Dick Van Dyke in it, and any series that is creative enough to not use lustful nudity , sex scenes and visually violent scenes to sell their shows. Nudity in the artistic form is another matter, though some may confuse art for lust.
I watch cartoons to refresh my state of mind from the drudgery of continuous 'adult' work. Its my literal way of seeing the world through a child's eyes.
I love Disney's 'Princess and the Frog' not because of the corny storyline, but because the animation is hand drawn - something you don't see much of these days.

My favourite colour is green because it gives me a sense of peace.
Incidentally, though I am fond of frogs, it isn't the reason why I like the colour green so much.

I love frogs and anything to do with them, but I have yet to photograph a live one or touch it with my bare hands. I absolutely love the acronym F.R.O.G. (Fully Relying On God). It means alot to me for it is a constant reminder that I don't have to go into overdrive to do everything for everyone.

I love reading real books for their smells, textures, illustrations and writings, but I blog and Facebook so much now that I forgot to make time to just tuck myself into a comfortable chair/sofa and immerse in the wonderful stories within each book. Magazines don't really cut it, because they are full of short stories that don't continuosly link with each other.

I love singing any song that takes my fancy, but I only do that in private. I learned to play the guitar to fill in the musician role in my previous group of friends, since everyone kept remeniscing about how they used to have musicians but now they have none, and wished that they had a musician.

I really don't like to wear make up, because they cost a bomb to maintain. Normal make up brands (e.g. Maybeline, Silky Girl, Revlon) available in supermarkets and pharmacies cost me RM120 a month (not kidding you, I will show you the receipts if you still don't believe me), and that doesn't include yet the cost of make up remover lotions and skin care products.

I pop my contact lenses in before leaving the house because you like to see me without my spectacles. I'm comfortable with my spectacles because with them on, I don't have to go through the hassle of stopping what I am doing to re-wet my eyes every 2 hours.

I love taking walks in naturally green areas and inhale the different earthy and green scents of each of these places.

I love arts and crafts because I love creating things with my hands, and not because I dream of being a 'housewife'.

I day dream too, but I try not to do it when I am in a conversation with others because it may offend them or I might miss an important message.

That's all I can tell you for now. The rest is up to you to discover, and when you choose to do so, I will be waiting to share my discoveries of you.

Love,
Your fiancee

Funny

2010-11-05T13:32:00.001+08:00

Why do you expect me to be creative when you aren't?

*puzzled*

Mixed Feelings

2010-11-03T22:27:00.002+08:00

Happy that a friend announced that she is in her first trimester. :)

Beginning to feel the tug of self-pity that I'm not married nor able to have babies yet (and start to wonder if that will happen). :_(

Must

not

succumb!!!!

The Girls are Back in Town

2010-10-24T18:37:00.002+08:00

My thyroids acted up the past couple of days, so every sensation is heightened and I find Mr Bear's every word annoying to the depths of my sensitive soul.

He on his part, is taking it quite gamely.

Ah, to be normal again!

On Twitter

2010-10-23T10:21:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm a laggard, but I'm on it now. :p

Let's see how things develop from here! n_~

Find me @mugglemug

In the Pit of My Tummy

2010-10-16T23:47:00.003+08:00

Got a nagging feeling that something is going to happen soon.

But what?

YES! :)

2010-10-09T23:16:00.001+08:00

Finally, absolutely totally out of it!

*victorious jig*

Praise the Lord! :)

Now to remain calm and indifferent IF nasty words are said again.

Wheee!! n_n

Thankful

2010-08-15T08:33:00.002+08:00

That Nic was there to lend his ear when I had the long-drawn panic attack yesterday evening.

Trust

2010-08-08T19:58:00.001+08:00

Trust is a fragile thing.

Once damaged, it takes a long time to mend. Long after forgiveness has taken place.

Funny, ain't it?

Human emotions and ego.

Halt!

2010-07-29T00:48:00.001+08:00

I get inspired by ladies who persevere through life, never give up on their goals and dreams and still manage to love those around them (e.g. Oprah Winfrey & MIU). I get excited when I see such vibrancy in them and think to myself "Hey, I want and aim for that".

Along the way, some try to use me as their emotional dumping ground (apparently, the only reason I exist is for them to wail about their life sorrows), tell me how to run my life, demand more things from me, expect more productivity from me, and I do get affected by it (despite trying otherwise).

Praises can only calm and make a person happy for a while. Where's the sincerity in that?

Aren't you taking it for granted that I am at your constant disposal? Or that I only exist to propogate your agenda?

Its high-time for a long overdue ME time.

Again I Say...

2010-07-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

Pointless.

The First Time in My Life

2010-07-12T19:27:00.004+08:00

I was surprised. Really.

I received a bouquet of real flowers from him. And I liked it. :)

I was at a loss for words.

Pointless

2010-06-30T20:49:00.000+08:00

Pointless

Pointless

Pointless

Pointless

Idiot!

Apakah Kepentingan Dalam Hatimu?

2010-06-29T21:48:00.003+08:00

Siapa yang paling penting dalam hatimu?

Badminton! :)

2010-06-29T00:10:00.001+08:00

Yeay!

Had 2 rounds of badminton tonight. So out of shape, but it was good. n_n

Maggie: I miss the games with Zul, Pak Lah and Mizi!

Wishing Upon....

2010-06-24T23:54:00.001+08:00

I wish

I wish

I wish

things will just fall in place and there be less stress for everyone.

*prays hard*

Aherm...

2010-06-17T20:46:00.003+08:00

I'm Not Afraid of No Ghost

2010-06-09T19:28:00.003+08:00

The pounding worry in my heart turned out to be nothing but several challenging matters. Yep, I'm just being the melodramatic queen.

All will be done in God's time, with Him by my side. n_n

That Feeling....

2010-06-07T22:18:00.002+08:00

Things are going well at the moment.

Got promoted, got increment (slight, but better than nothing right?), got gem.

But got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something unexpected is going to happen.

Lord, help me!

Excited!

2010-04-25T16:41:00.002+08:00

Feeling super excited today.

Could be because of a renewed look at the future.

Or a huge sense of gratefullness for all that I have and don't have.

Or could be caffiene from after-lunch Long Black. :p

Falling Back to God

2010-04-18T00:54:00.002+08:00

Just read through my past blog entries, and how certain events affected me enough to change me from cheerful to depressed, from focused to silly, from certain to fearing.

How funny (when one thinks from the logical side), that through it all God is always present in my life and I mention His name frequently (though less frequent of late).

Praise the Lord. :)

Peace at Last

2010-04-17T23:42:00.003+08:00

You know that point in time, space and emotion where you are totally at peace over certain situations?

I reached that point recently.

Not because I felt that I am 'holier' or better than others.

I guess I just reached complete acceptance and gained real closure over that silly event.

Giving thanks and praise to the Lord for healing my heart and re-filling it with love, joy and hope! n_n

Focus!!

2010-03-08T04:28:00.003+08:00

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Phillipians 4:8

Yes, that's what I need to do right now.

Honesty

2010-02-26T08:52:00.001+08:00

Is such a lonely word
Everything is so untrue

Honesty
Is hardly ever heard
Mostly what I need from you

Its Not Worth

2010-02-21T19:05:00.003+08:00

The heartache

The chest pains

The papilations

The grief

O LORD my GOD, when will it all change?

Trying Too Hard?

2010-02-21T15:48:00.004+08:00

To be prepared?

To go to the next level?

To forgive when the hurt is immense, that whatever I said and/or informed much earlier was ignored.
And when the same information(s) are repeated by 3rd parties its suddenly dawns that this or that needs to be done.

Why is it when I inform, it is readily ignored, but when the same thing is presented by others is received with such rapt attention?

What is TRUTH?

Is there any present in this at all?

Maggie: The pain is becoming unbearable. :( Perhaps ending it will solve it once and for all.

What Was Said

2010-02-19T21:59:00.001+08:00

Has been said.

The permanence of those words cannot be removed or covered over with soothing words.

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

2010-02-13T05:24:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year! n_n

Left Speechless

2010-02-04T22:56:00.001+08:00

And happy.

And feeling loved.

And hope is returning slowly.

And a little worried for him too.

The Future?

2010-01-30T20:58:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I can't see it at the moment.

In between ups and downs and highs and lows and feeling feelings and feeling emptiness, the future has been blurred drastically.
Its like I woke up one fine morning to discover that I have myopia of -10.00.

But through it all, joy remains.

Praise the Lord. :)

Giving Thanks in the Midst of Uncertainty

2010-01-27T22:20:00.003+08:00

PRAISE

the

LORD!

To Scream or Not to Scream?

2010-01-13T23:54:00.002+08:00

Whilst one is frustrated... talk it out or try to reason it within one's head and eventually scream out loud?

Run to God!

Maggie: frust giler!

Judge and You Shall Be Judged

2010-01-03T20:46:00.002+08:00

That's all I have to say.

Funny how people assume so many things of a situation, without checking for the real facts.
And its pretty laughable that at the same time they impose their own experiences and/or what they are going through.

'nuff said.

Annoying Cold

2009-12-27T21:51:00.001+08:00

Apart from that, I've been pampered and spoiled rotten for the past few days. n_n

No Feeling...

2009-12-19T08:47:00.002+08:00

...could be due to either:

1. Lack of good sleep
2. Feeling unappreciated
3. Overworked
4. Unorganised (bencinyer...)
5. Or not doing enough for others?

Going for Toasties meeting soon... can't wait for my brains to be rejuvenated! :)

If I Were A Boy

2009-12-14T21:11:00.002+08:00

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys

And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

Defeated? Think Again.

2009-12-03T06:38:00.004+08:00

When things seem to turn for the worse

When people from your past resurface

When hurtful and untrue rumours & gossip abound

When some start imposing their ideas of what and who you should be

When people avoid you because you are 'special', or think you can read their minds

When some do not want to hear a word that you have to say

When people talk and laugh at you behind your back, and then quickly turn the other cheek to say a 'sincere' hello when you are around

When self-righteous people tell you how bad you are for others, how 'stubborn' you are, or what bad habits you have (even though they do it all the time).

Are you defeated?
Think again.

You cry a little

You die many times over

You reassess your life
and see only those who are important in your life

You see yourself changing
for the better
under God's loving hand.

:)

Here It Comes Again

2009-11-27T14:20:00.007+08:00

Just when I thought it was tucked safely in the annals of the past, that feeling made a swift comeback.

It all started with moi feeling restless, listless and troubled.

Then one of my girlfriends asked "So when are you getting hitched?"

Pain.

And bit sad.

Replied somewhere along the lines of "up to the other half" before mentally shutting down (Well, of course it was an innocent question on her part. She is a lovely person).

Trying to distract myself from further thoughts of gloom and doom, I leisurely flipped the pages of today's extra-thick newspaper.

Then...

...............

....................

........................

I saw today's extra-special pullout.

Ruthlessly blaring an eye-popping photo of silver against purple from its front cover:

Maggie: God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit help me! :(

I Spy with My Little Eye...

2009-11-15T13:02:00.003+08:00

... a set of shiny pink plastic QWERTY keys! :D

Another early Christmas pressie, this one is from my dearest. :)

My first QWERTY handphone, from CSL.
Belilah barangan buatan Malaysia! n_n

My dearest told me that its a toy for me to play with, until I get my new handphone.

Let's see how long this unit will last under my not-so-gentle handling. ;p

Early Christmas Pressie :)

2009-11-15T13:01:00.003+08:00

A sweet & thoughtful gift from my dearest's parents. n_n

Praise The Lord

2009-10-31T10:05:00.003+08:00

Where Man...
... disappoints
... become inflated with self-righteous pompousness
... starts imposing his lifestyle on one
... strives only for peer praises and pleasures
... compromises one's dignity
... bargains one's worth in order to 'afford' one

... my Lord does not.

Maggie: Praise be to Him who sits on the highest throne!

What Difference?

2009-10-28T04:34:00.000+08:00

Pagan or Christian?

Only you can decide.

In His Time

2009-10-28T04:32:00.000+08:00

In His time, He makes all things beautiful.

To Do ASAP

2009-10-26T12:05:00.005+08:00

Short Hair Cut - as short as possible without looking like a mushroom (Done! 26.10.09)
Study for exam (Done! 26.10.09)
Meet up with Moo (Done! 30.10.09)
Study for exam
Restore my health
Study for exam
Dwell in the presence of the Lord (Doing... Yay!)
Study for exam
Spend time with family
Study for exam
Decide what to do with my own time (Doing... Yay!)
Study for exam

Impatience

2009-10-25T17:51:00.001+08:00

Waiting

and waiting

and waiting

and waiting

I'm impatient? Try it yourself for size, before you critisize.

Kasihan...

2009-10-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

...Sayang jatuh sakit.

My Love

2009-10-18T17:07:00.002+08:00

Love

Like a gentle stream

serene

cool

warm

sparkles

refreshing

wholesome

tender

caring

Firm as a rock

Love

n_n

2009-10-04T18:42:00.000+08:00

Maggie: Sayangku. :)

Woah

2009-09-26T02:22:00.004+08:00

Time really flies.

And I realise why I lost the fire for things I truly am passionate about.

Mainly fear:
1. Of losing it from my grip once the whole world knows about it.
2. Of being told that it is a mere waste of time.
3. Of other negative comments (which I shall not explore here, ever).

So once in a while, its just super fantastic to come across bloggers who exude passion from their cyber-pores, like MIU and The Scarfer.

Passion may sometimes be described as innate of any individual, a feeling/expression/experience that is unique to each person.

But to me, it is also highly contagious. :)

Maggie: Time for some photoshooting & arting again!

So Full!

2009-09-22T23:28:00.001+08:00

Both literally and figuratively. :)

I love this long weekend! n_n

Peace at Last?

2009-09-15T22:46:00.003+08:00

The past three days have been a sorry state, because the truth was sidestepped and my integrity and character got attacked by that person who decided to throw a smoke screen on the whole issue.

Was truly miffed, but still was advised by those who regularly deal with that person to just apologise.

I was reluctant, but did it anyway.

And felt a deep sense of peace after that (not immediately after though), knowing that all judgment ultimately belongs to my Lord.

Thanks to all my friends, my dearest Nic and my mum for their moral and emotional support. :)

Those Three Little Words

2009-09-09T22:32:00.004+08:00

Feels like ages since it came out so naturally (and without any prompting) from him.

And now, it feels just so strange.

I want to tell it to him so very much, but the huge pause is always present.

It is physical/mental tiredness, or just tiredness in our relationship?

Or am I not doing what is expected of me?

Get a Grip

2009-09-08T19:30:00.004+08:00

Never liked those words.

Simply because it used to be the entrée to that unmelodious repertoire.

Seeing them again invites such horrible thoughts and put downs into my head.

Gotta stop them from doing more damage.

Happy happy happy FROG!

Fear

2009-09-08T19:23:00.002+08:00

Is trying to dominate my brains and heart again.

Fear of not being good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not kind enough, not cheerful enough, not understanding enough, not busty (or Booby, as dear ol' WY loves to say) enough, not sexy enough, not compassionate enough.

Current status: Still fighting.

Stifling and bashing bits of jealousy to a pulp doesn't help either, it just makes it worse.

And no one has a clue.

Finally Moving Along

2009-09-07T12:48:00.002+08:00

After waiting for yonks, and getting sooooo frustrated in the process, I decided to take the lead.

Frankly, I don't care what people say (or may say) anymore.

Either one get things done or one doesn't.

Female domination?

I don't think so.

Feeling Slightly Better

2009-09-06T22:08:00.004+08:00

Accomplishment!
Baked 2 batches of cream cheese cookies, and covered & drizzled them with chocolate (both dark and white).

Felt pretty happy about it, until someone snickered and asked "Is it edible?".

Under normal circumstances, I would have laughed along and called him an idiot or something.

But its NOT a normal situation. I feel burnt out, stretched thin, unappreciated, and my self-esteem took a nose dive ever since that crazy hairdresser told his equally catty colleague that he wasn't going to cut my hair because of something I apparently did to him so she instead gave me absolutely no service at all and a horrible haircut. And I can't even afford another cut right now (even though its the budget version), both monetary and beauty-wise.

Can't a girl have a some peace to regain her self-worth without it being stomped all over by insensitive remarks?

That person is SO not going to be given a taste of the cookies this Friday.

Hmph.

So Not In The Mood

2009-09-06T16:15:00.003+08:00

If you asked me right now whether I am sure that this is what I really want with my life, I can't.

I feel tired.

And unappreciated.

Could be just the popular 'female-mood-swing' at work.

Or not.

Need more sleep.

But first, off to the kitchen to bake a batch of cream cheese cookies. :)

My Precious....

2009-09-01T00:54:00.001+08:00

An iron-on froggy that has dangly legs! :D
Courtesy of Nic

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

2009-08-30T23:45:00.008+08:00

We (Mummy, Daddy, Lynn, Nic & I) had a belated birthday celebration for Daddy last night at Tony Roma's (Cineleisure, Mutiara Damansara), and this was what we had:

Bread with a yummy garlic spread

Fried Mushrooms

Nic's Ribs and Steak Combo

Lynn's 1/2 chicken

Daddy & Mummy's Beef Slab

(I was overexcited and forgot to take a photo of my pasta before devouring it)

Yummy, no? :)

To cap the sumptuous dinner, we surprised Daddy with a cake.

But I think we were more surprised than him.

Because the very sporting crew members gathered excitedly, then sang the birthday song with gusto as they placed the blazing cake in front of Daddy:

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to Daddy!
Happy Birthday to you!

Daddy is a stickler for privacy, so to honour the man's principles,
the 'black bar' is placed in this blurry photo.

We kidded that Daddy had extra "children" all of a sudden...all because they sang according to the message that was written on the cake [Happy Birthday Daddy! :)]. *grins*

Maggie: A zillion thanks to my dearest for organising and buying dinner! *muaks*

Fury

2009-08-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

I am ANGRY.

FURIOUS.

But in the end, the blame is on me again - I am after all, the stupid one who fell for it.

So how can I get angry with the other party, when I am clearly the one to blame?

On & On

2009-08-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

At this very moment, I can only thank and praise my Lord. :)

Despite the challenges ahead, I firmly believe that He is leading me up the right path. To where He desires me to be, what He designed me to do.

And although at times certain points can be a struggle, ultimately I will obey Him.

^_^

.........

2009-08-17T21:19:00.002+08:00

Truly at a loss for words. :\

What else can I do in the face of this new situation but to turn to my Lord for wisdom in making that important decision when the moment (hopefully) happens in the near future?

Who else can I turn to soothe my fears away, and for true comfort & being fully rested in mind, soul and spirit?

Why shouldn't I be free in my Lord's embrace?

How much longer can I go on without Him?

Truly Returning to God

2009-08-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

About time too.

I have allowed myself to be sucked back into the horribly negative world controlled by shamelessly manipulative two-faced back-stabbing gossips.

*shudders*

Shall we walk together, dearest?

Superbly Saturated Saturday

2009-08-08T23:12:00.003+08:00

Brekker.

Movie (G.I. Joe).

Walkies.

Stainless Steel (n_n).

Round trip of electronics-music instruments-animals-books-models (as in the Gundam type, not real models).

Pizza-ria at Modestos.

Durian feast (a bit much at the end, but very fun!).

Maggie: Happy! n_n

Revealing the Devil

2009-08-06T23:02:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, being too close to certain people will bring out the devil in you.

And vice-versa.

One could get angry and do an atomic bomb attack on the other, but in the name of Friendship, the truth is said out loud, then things get mended, and we live and learn from our mistakes.

Those are friendships worth keeping, I say. :)

Funky Thursday

2009-07-31T08:34:00.000+08:00

Lesson learned yesterday: Don't EVER arrange any other appointments on Toastmasters Club nights! @_@

Due to the day's accumulated stress and preparation for our contest, I panicked over not being on time for my other appointment before my turn to speak came.

So I left.

And made a lot of my Toasties worry about me.

Maggie: Never again...

Sluggish and Blur Feeling...

2009-07-29T19:38:00.002+08:00

But I have tonnes to do!

Complete (and round up) my wordy-gurdy Corp Law assignment;
Prepare for tomorrow's speech contest (gack!);
Finish up pending (and silly things that refuse to get completed) jobs at work;
My laundry!!
Prepare for first two days of Corporate Financial Management classes this weekend.

Maggie: Sleep can wait for the moment. @_@

Funny Day

2009-07-25T21:55:00.011+08:00

Well, it was something of an emotional roller-coaster. :)

1. Breakfast with family, shared jokes I learned last night - Peace & joy
2. On the way to the half-day class I was waiting for almost 4 months ago - High
3. Hear some people being sarcastic as I walked past - Slightly deflated, tried not to let it get to me by taking Pingu's advice, and.....success! :)
4. Entering the half-day class - Higher than a kite
5. Blow-BLOW-blow! - Higher than ever
6. Received sms from Pingu - happyhappy
7. Lunch & catching up with some girlfriends - relaxed, happy & calm
8. 3-minute chat with Pingu --> (n_n) happy
9. Quiet time - peace, joy & direction
10. Power nap - t.k.o.
11. After power nap - refreshed! :)
12. PCP - rejuvenated
13. Worship - Yay!
14. Sermon - awake, entertained, educated, and also went into zone-out (and moody pumpkin) mode after I heard the M-word being preached. Yeeeee....!
15. Drive home - tired, feeling a bit sick, thinking of Pingu
16. Call from A.M. about our colleague's son's death - slight shock, empathy for colleague (felt like crying over her loss), decision making mode.
17. Banking time - No feeling. xp
18. Chat with Pingu again --> (n_n) x 10PU
19. Dinner - Yummy in my tummy! :)
20. Blogging - Saja nak report. :op

Maggie: Don't kill me!

Happy Weekend & Other Jambalaya

2009-07-20T22:42:00.004+08:00

Two whole days, and my heart is full and almost bursting with happiness. n_n

Wish there was more time for that, but all good things have to make way for the working week.

Oh, and I bought a Korean-made silver ring (y'know, the cheapo ones that look expensive) for my right pinky.. nice and shiny... can blind other lunch-time pedestrians by reflecting sunlight off it, if I wanted to. *evil cackle*

I'm so looking forward to doing a proper 3 day fast & prayer... I missed the previous round. :\

Full of Quotes Today

2009-07-20T22:15:00.003+08:00

The fallacies of men's supremacy are often betrayed by the rules they entrap themselves with

Maggie: Don't ask why... I must be in pondering mode again.

Different Views

2009-07-20T22:06:00.003+08:00

Life is a kaleidoscope, not only because of situations that occur to people, but also because of people to happening to people.

Maggie: Don't you agree?

Taking One's Sweet Time

2009-07-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

Its more than I can bear.

God's timing is the sweetest, and I wait for Him.

Loony Tune

2009-07-14T21:49:00.005+08:00

Its so weird.

One moment, up. Yet another moment, down.

These feelings of upset and sadness...could be attributed to lack of sleep or insecurity or having no self confidence or having little faith or uncertainty about the intentions of the other party or unbalanced hormones or 'that-time-of-the-month' (four times a month? I don't think so) or thyroid glands.

As much as I try not to bring it up, it does come out. Not through my own design or intentions, but more like it just gushes out...pintu-pagar sudah rosak.

Then it looks like I'm just pushing for it to happen, forcing the issue without consideration for the other party. If you know what I mean.

In the meanwhile, I keep sensing that there is not much time left for it to happen. Either it will happen soon or someone else will take my place, whether through choice or circumstance.

Am keeping myself busy with a lot of things these days, so that I don't keep thinking and wishing too much for it. At this point in time, I don't really mind burning myself out.

Anything to avoid those sad thoughts and feelings from welling up again.

Waiting for The End

2009-07-05T10:10:00.008+08:00

It is almost ending, I can feel it.

As pessimistic and fatalistic as it may seem, that's all there is to it.

The End. Finito.

The so-called 'pull' to return to it is usually expressed to me based on perceived underlying personal fears - what if ending it doesn't work i.e. the goal does not materialise when I am with others, it will take more time to attain that goal once I start a new one, what if others live a miserable existence without my presence, etc. Or that it would be seen that the ending would be purely my fault, because I am impatient, demanding, inconsiderate, uncommunicative, stuck-in-the-past, and a negative influence toward others.

I fear none of these, because God is with me, every step of the way.

There is no real indication of even the slightest action toward achieving that goal. Time and again, it was proven that there is no priority set for that goal...talk is cheap, especially when the very idea of goal achievement is based on hearsay and not on easily researched facts.
Instead, emphasis was and is, on frivolous pleasures... that shows me much on where my own position in this situation lies.

I am very grateful to my Lord and praise Him for this opportunity to grow, to learn, to accept others more, and also to accept my own strengths and weaknesses and better myself in Him from there.

I am at peace now, for I know that my Lord will provide my heart's desires, whether through conventional methods or not.