Giving Praise

Praise to the Lord
who is seated on the highest of thrones!
Praise to God
who brings Truth and Glory and Peace and Joy!
Praise to Jesus
who shouts not but speaks volumes into my heart!

Praise God, praise God, for all that He has done!
Praise the Lord for all the He intends to do!
Amen, Amen!

Poor Dear

He's down with the 'flu.

Just a couple of weeks more... you are almost there! *hugs*

I love you. :)

Yearning

Feeling the strong pull to go back to church regularly.

Yup, I stopped 'churching' for about a month, for my studies. Not because I think I am able to stand on my own, or that I could self-church at home, or that I no longer want to be with my first love. I couldn't focus all of a sudden, and I knew I had to remove myself from the bustle (speaking of which, the bustle for me has decreased much since 3 years back).

And look what I did to myself - frazzled, sad, emotional, dry.

One more week!

Oh thank you Lord, for sustaining me thus far. Please help me through this one last week!

Amen.

Are We Done Yet?

These past weeks saw me working up myself into a fine big P-a-n-i-c, as I started imagining boogeymen endings for things that have not been done yet.

Exams: I'm gonna fail! No time to study (busy panicking mah)! Haven't covered the chapters properly!
Wedding: We're gonna limp through the ceremony without alot of things, and no presiding Pastor to marry us! *cue dramatic music*
New home: Its still a mess!
Everything else in the world: Its just all WRONG!


The actual state of my mind was clearly questionable, as I flitted from one minor panic to another (and another) until they cluttered my mind and heart (resulting in seriously real episodes of 'omgithinkimgoingtofaintnow') to the point of exploding.

But with a little bit of quality rest and clear mindedness, everything falls into place...

Exams: Do my best and stop wasting time panicking! Even if I did fail the test, I will re-sit until my ICSA is completed.
Marriage: What me worry? The hall deco may go up in flames, no presiding Pastor takper...because God is here with us, emotions may go into a sudden funk, but what the hey.... its our 'big day', so what? We're getting married (yay)!
Home: I did what I could earlier, the rest is his problem for now. Lols.
Everything else in the world: Nothing was ever perfect in the first place, we do our own bit to improve our living, relationships and planet.

Not too bad after all, eh? :)


Now on to the kitchen! Panic takes up loads of energy. :p

Touched Lives

When my sleep gets interrupted, I often wonder if I am doing the right thing.

Am I touching lives the way Christ did (and still is), or just attempting to be a Solo Hero?

Sometimes I arrive at the brink of frustration, I do want to tell her that there is so much more in life than the issue at hand that may be big now, but nothing can compare to God and nothing is impossible for God.

I try, then I fail....and the negative post-effects continue their vicious recycle system in my mind and heart. And I do nothing to stop them - I could have sought God, I could have dwelled even more in His word, but I don't do any of this.

Instead, I fester in bitterness and start avoiding her.
She knows. She no longer calls, but has latched on others who can lend their fresh sympathetic ears.

Yet when I reflect on this, I am still very thankful for those people whom the Good Lord lead me to, who could help me out of my 'blue funk', no matter how long or short their contact with me, no matter if they still want to communicate or not.

True wisdom is really in the Lord.

Conviction Part I

Today, my Lord brought to my attention one thing I sorely lack.

I have yet to fully appreciate my father, my mother and my sister. For all that they have done for me.

Upon reflection, I am quite insensitive to my family's real wants. What they really want and need from me. I wish I could cry buckets from the tumultous currents of emotions swelling within my breast, but I cannot.

Its the dam of Emotion at the brink of bursting... waiting to surge forth, but a solid bubble prevents it from creating tidal waves within the depths of my soul.

I so wish and pray to feel proper human emotions again. Anything that is, besides anger and irritation.

Truly Lord, I do.

One Cannot Love

When one is not loved.

Our scope and perception of love is so limited, even for us who are saved, those who 'know' how much Jesus sacrificed for us as He hung on the cross at Calvary.

We know all these in our minds, but what about our hearts?

All I know is that my scope of love is narrow still, in comparison to His.

Pain or Just Plain Stupidity

I think its the latter on my part.

To inflict unnecessary pain on myself.

Ah, the joys of life.

Amazing

How quickly it transitions from 'I promise to take care of all your needs' to 'You must take care of both our needs'.

Feeling Boxed In

So many choices.

So many materials.

So many wants.


But they don't belong to us.

Mixed Feelings

Happy that a friend announced that she is in her first trimester. :)

Beginning to feel the tug of self-pity that I'm not married nor able to have babies yet (and start to wonder if that will happen). :_(

Must


not


succumb!!!!

YES! :)

Finally, absolutely totally out of it!

*victorious jig*

Praise the Lord! :)

Now to remain calm and indifferent IF nasty words are said again.

Wheee!! n_n

Peace at Last

You know that point in time, space and emotion where you are totally at peace over certain situations?

I reached that point recently.

Not because I felt that I am 'holier' or better than others.

I guess I just reached complete acceptance and gained real closure over that silly event.

Giving thanks and praise to the Lord for healing my heart and re-filling it with love, joy and hope! n_n

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

Happy Chinese New Year! n_n

Annoying Cold

Apart from that, I've been pampered and spoiled rotten for the past few days. n_n

Defeated? Think Again.

When things seem to turn for the worse

When people from your past resurface

When hurtful and untrue rumours & gossip abound

When some start imposing their ideas of what and who you should be

When people avoid you because you are 'special', or think you can read their minds

When some do not want to hear a word that you have to say

When people talk and laugh at you behind your back, and then quickly turn the other cheek to say a 'sincere' hello when you are around

When self-righteous people tell you how bad you are for others, how 'stubborn' you are, or what bad habits you have (even though they do it all the time).


Are you defeated?
Think again.


You cry a little

You die many times over

You reassess your life
and see only those who are important in your life

You see yourself changing
for the better
under God's loving hand.

:)

Here It Comes Again

Just when I thought it was tucked safely in the annals of the past, that feeling made a swift comeback.

It all started with moi feeling restless, listless and troubled.



Then one of my girlfriends asked "So when are you getting hitched?"


Pain.


And bit sad.


Replied somewhere along the lines of "up to the other half" before mentally shutting down (Well, of course it was an innocent question on her part. She is a lovely person).


Trying to distract myself from further thoughts of gloom and doom, I leisurely flipped the pages of today's extra-thick newspaper.


Then...




...............




....................




........................






I saw today's extra-special pullout.



Ruthlessly blaring an eye-popping photo of silver against purple from its front cover:





Maggie: God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit help me! :(

To Do ASAP

• Short Hair Cut - as short as possible without looking like a mushroom (Done! 26.10.09)
  
• Study for exam (Done! 26.10.09)
• Meet up with Moo (Done! 30.10.09)
• Study for exam
• Restore my health
• Study for exam
• Dwell in the presence of the Lord (Doing... Yay!)
  
• Study for exam
• Spend time with family
• Study for exam
• Decide what to do with my own time (Doing... Yay!)
• Study for exam
  

So Full!

Both literally and figuratively. :)

I love this long weekend! n_n

Peace at Last?

The past three days have been a sorry state, because the truth was sidestepped and my integrity and character got attacked by that person who decided to throw a smoke screen on the whole issue.

Was truly miffed, but still was advised by those who regularly deal with that person to just apologise.

I was reluctant, but did it anyway.

And felt a deep sense of peace after that (not immediately after though), knowing that all judgment ultimately belongs to my Lord.

Thanks to all my friends, my dearest Nic and my mum for their moral and emotional support. :)